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Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Kate Lamothe's LiveJournal:

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Wednesday, March 17th, 2010
8:31 pm
***Please distribute this far and wide***

Our names are Corey Keith and Kate Lamothe. We are a working subcommittee of the local feminist potluck and activism circle the Femininjas. We are a Feminist organization dedicated to advocating for the rights of trans people, people living in poverty, queers, sex workers, and other marginalized peoples.

One of the projects we are currently working on is a community forum/conference (tent. date July 16-18) by and for members of various trans communities. As organizers of this free, community-centred event it is our collective vision that we bring together members of diverse trans communities, both individuals and service providers, to establish a cohesive vision of what the specific needs of our trans communities are at this exact moment in time, through a focus on health and coalition building. We see this is an opportunity for the communities of trans people, their allies and the health professionals that work with them to create community, hear needs and concerns of the communities, and to share the skills and knowledge that we all have.

While this community forum seeks to centre trans people, The Greater Vancouver Trans Forum organizing committee recognizes that for most trans people, "trans" is only one aspect of their day-to-day world. The Greater Vancouver Trans Forum also understands that many trans folk belong to numerous marginalized communities simultaneously. Thus, The Greater Vancouver Trans Forum encourages volunteer applications, workshop submissions, and feedback from trans people of colour, indigenous trans folk & two-spirit folk, trans people who work in the sex trade, sero-positive trans people, non-binary ided/genderqueer trans people, trans people living with disabilities, fat trans folk, trans people who have been incarcerated, poor trans people, and many other trans folk that experience intersecting forms of oppression.

Read more about what volunteer/organzing opportunities are availableCollapse )

I hope that you feel you are able to contribute your time and ideas to this great cause. If so please contact Corey and Kate at vancouvertransforum@gmail.com

The next forum planning meeting is happening this Saturday, March 21st from 1pm to to 3pm @ Spartacus books (684 E. Hastings).

Spartacus Books accessibility info:
Spartacus books is on the ground level and the space is all on one level. Spartacus' front door, as well it's bathroom are both 800mm (31.5 inches wide) when the door is fully open. The bathroom is large enough to accommodate two (or more) people + a wheelchair. There is a bar immediately to the left of the toilet, as well as directly behind it.

We look forward to hearing from folks about this venture!


Corey Keith & Kate Lamothe

x-posted to a bunch of communities
(could someone post this to ftm please?)
Friday, December 18th, 2009
10:32 pm
Dare ya to do what you want! Dare ya to be who you will! Dare ya to cry right outloud!
In the past week I've somehow managed to:

-secure all my letters needed to prove the real life test (ie: school, work, medical, volunteer stuff),

-book an appt with the local trans health clinic to get onto the SRS waiting list,

-have two lovely dates with a really rad grrrl (our dates consist of listening to lots of Sleater-Kinney & Sonic Youth, cooking yummy vegan dinners with cupcakes & gelato for dessert, smooching, and just generally being adorable),

-launch the I Want Your Sex Too! monthly night and raise $100 to help a local guy get his top surgery (he went in for it this week, so any extra money was absolutely critical!)

-donate the $100 at the aforementioned guy's "Brokeback Brodown" rodeo themed house party Saturday night at the grownup house. Some kids from Victoria showed up and donated $600! The house also sold home brew & homemade moonshine and had an auction to raise extra money. All in all, they raised $3500!!!! (Have I mentioned how much I love trans communities?)

-watch "She's a Boy I Knew" by Gwen Haworth twice,

-go to Telyn's workshop on D.I.Y. transitioning,

-go to the stop violence against sex workers march

-get a working record player and a bunch of new riotgrrrl/queercore/noise records (ie: team dresch, excuse 17, bush tetras, thurston moore side projects)

-go to a 4 hour Femininjas collective meeting, where we started working to organize a community forum for trans folk, among a slew of other actions/demos/political work we're undertaking

-work a shift at Spartacus (the collective bookstore I'm a member of now)

-AND--->get a job working at a really amazing anti-poverty organization called Rain City Housing. (check them out--->www.raincityhousing.org)

Hope ya'll are doing well :)

Monday, November 30th, 2009
7:08 pm
Wow what a couple of weeks! In the past 12 days, I've somehow managed to:

-quit my crappy corporate cafe job

-perform one of my rants at the Trans Day of Remembrance (TDOR) spoken word event (http://www.tdorvancouver.org/#Rhizome) I even got a (half the room) standing ovation.

-get an e-mail from S. Bear Bergman about having the aforementioned rant published in the Gender Outlaws: The Next Generation anthology

-publicly call out Bill Siksay @ TDOR. It felt like he was speaking as though his sole intention for being there was to garner the "trans vote." Not effing appropriate for a memorial service.

-bike and hike up a trail in lynn valley canyon in north van. I googled the distance Telyn and I went and it 36kms in total!

-sleep 12 hours after the aforementioned bike ride :)

-organize the first Vancouver edition of I Want Your Sex Too! (http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#/event.php?eid=218350792813&ref=share)

-get asked out on date for this wednesday with a really rad grrrl

-have a really good set at F.O.D. and then proceed to dance my ass off to Boo and Hugs's set

-go to straight edge night at Hug's place and meet a bunch of really rad folks

-meet a woman who's just learning how to tattoo and start talking about getting her to do some work on me

-start organizing a road trip for this weekend to nelson, b.c. through the okanagan valley

-still have a really great time despite this weather
Wednesday, November 18th, 2009
11:36 pm
Books and Bikes and Bois....Oh My!
So the last week has been pretty exciting. I've officially been here for two weeks and already I've joined two collectives and gotten laid once :)

The first collective I joined is this really rad volunteer run bookstore that Boo told me about called Spartacus (http://www.spartacusbooks.org). It's been open since the 70's and is completely volunteer run ! When I found this out I have to admit my mind was a lil' blown! My first training shift is on Thursday night with a lovely fellow named Karl, who is also on the queer dance party collective called Prance (http://pranceparty.wordpress.com)

The second collective is a rad group of trans activists called the Femininjas (http://www.femininjas.com/). They are organizing against Lu's pharmacy's anti-inclusion (to read more about this: http://questioningtransphobia.wordpress.com/2009/07/11/protest-of-lu-pharmacy/). They're also the collective that's organizing the events surrounding the Trans Day of Remembrance. I admit that I have reservations and critiques about TDOR in general but I'm still stoked to unleash some of my spoken word at the Rhizome event. http://www.tdorvancouver.org/

Overall, I think I'm settling in pretty nicely. I still haven't seen everyone I was hoping to see out here---like Earl, Kristin, or anyone who lives on Vancouver Island---but that'll come in time. I feel as though I''ve been adjusting fairly easily to the community here though. I went to an amazing women/trans bathhouse event on Sunday night and had a scene with quite a dreamy boi. I don't know what it is but it seems that all of my new interests as of late are bois and/or FTM-spectrum folk. It's funny how desires shift over time eh? In fact, I feel like I may even have the beginnings of a crush forming on a boi that works at the local community bike shop. She helped me fix my bike the other day, cause I'm still clueless when it comes to that stuff *blush*. I really hope she comes out to Fuck Off and Dance this weekend.

Speaking of F.O.D. (http://fuckoffanddance.wordpress.com), I started working on my set today. Fuck, I'm stoked to see all the cute Vancouver queers dancing. You know, It'll actually be really nice to be at a queer dance party and be slightly mysterious/anonymous. I mean, I'm not going to be that anonymous 'cause I'm DJing but still! Expect to hear everything from Amy Winehouse to xLimp Wristx, Elton John to Nirvana.

In terms of employment, I worked a couple shifts (and might end up doing a few more) at a crappy corporate cafe but I'm hoping to not have to stay there for too long (a month max!). In fact, I just had an interview at an amazing cafe called the radio station cafe right in the heart of the downtown eastide (east hastings and columbia). It's a non-profit cafe funded by the portland hotel society which also helps run the safe injection site, as well as a bunch of other amazing ventures like that. It would be 3-4 shifts a week and may lead me to make contacts with other orgs in the DTES. The manager said she'd let me know in a few days

Anyway, I finally switched over to a Vancouver number so ya'll should text or call me.
604-838 0661

Sunday, November 8th, 2009
10:29 am
Well I'm going out west, where the wind blows tall...
Hi LJ,

Long time no speak.  I thought I'd let you in on a lil' secret....

...I no longer live in Montreal :O

That's right I have moved to the soon-to-be-Olympic hellhole known as Vancougar *eep*  I'm feeling kinda lazy right now, but thought it would be appropriate to update this thing, so I'll do it in the classic way:

This is going to be my 4th full day in Van, and so far the ++++ have been
-getting picked up at the airport by friends of the family (ie: not having to use public transit or a cab with 4 bags of luggage)
-moving to the pretty rad neighbourhood called Commercial Drive...it's similar to Mile End in Montreal or Parkdale in Toronto wherein it's where most of the dykes, trannies, artists, hippies, and independently owned shops are.
-$300/month rent
-meeting/hanging out with my new roomates---Fancy, Kim, and Justin---all of whom share tons of mutual friends with me
-wandering around aimlessly on foot for the first two days, getting lost and loving every minute of it
-exploring every single grocery store on the drive
-after two days of walking, I got a bike!
-going to see $100 (an awesome bluegrassy/country band from T.O.) play at theBbourbon pub in gastown
-going to a talent show at a friend's (Travis) house, doing some 4 year old spoken word pieces and winning a prize for "sexiest talent"
-the talent show was a benefit for an autonomous/anarchist space that holds weekly events/discussion groups/film screenings/walking tours/etc. I'm going to a workshop there today on anti-olympic resistance work
-making a giant, 5 course brunch with the roomies and some of their friends
-pretty much eating vegan or dairy products that are free-range/organic
-smoking tons of B.C. pot
-reducing my consumption of tobacco/alcohol
-eating a pay-what-you-can lentil soup at the rhizhome cafe
-seeing my friend telyn a whole bunch
-meeting new people
-seeing the mountains ALL the time!
-the vancouver skyline at night

But of course, like always there are - - - - too:
-being sick since wednesday (just a cold, at least its not swine flu :P)
-having it rain *every* single day, all day
-the vancouver skyline during the day (waaaaay too many giant glass condo skyscrapers)
-having my bike not work right when I got it
-biking up the hills
-the super bougie yuppie/guppie folks around my neighbourhood
-way too many white-people-with-dreadlocks-type hippies here too
-being pretty broke
-the Bourbon pub being absolute douchebags. We had to show our ids to the bouncer outside, then show them to the door person inside, who THEN scanned the ids into a computer and took a webcam photo of us, and then got searched by the bouncers...all to see a fucking bluegrass band.  Coming from Montreal where I haven't shown an id, even at the SAQ, in years to that was a shock to say the least
-speaking of shock, I'm in total culture shock with the lack of french :(
-knowing that I'm going to be missing all of the Patrick Califia events in Montreal, especially the next against the wall :(

Anyway, that's my life so far out west.  Ya'll should come visit!  Or at least write to me!

1616 East Second Avenue
Vancouver, B.C.
V5N 1C9

I miss everyone sooooo much

Current Mood: excited
Friday, June 26th, 2009
8:53 am
We want revolution grrrl style now...
So, last night, I had booked the jam space so that my punk band (The Rimjobs) could practice but, alas, only Samuel and I ended up showing up.  I had been in an odd, kind of stagnant-blah mood all day so at the beginning of practice I was some combination of pissy/bitchy, angry, and aloof,   Well, instead of pouting, I decided to have a go on the drums.  Holy fucking shit!  I've never let out that much aggression and rage on one instrument before. 

Within a matter of minutes I was standing up, crashing down on the drums as hard as I possibly could, all the while Sammy and I were screaming at each other.  It elicited this intense passion in both of us. The dynamic we had as a two piece (hella distorted bass and drums) was absolutely fierce!  Lyrics were coming via memories I thought I had long put to rest.  It was like therapy, only better because it was a physical workout. By the end of the 2 hours, I was a crying, sweaty, mess.  And, I'm not just saying that: I was literally crying during one song. 

I can't remember exactly what was yelled but I was essentially screaming lyrics about how the next time sometime touches my body non-consensually because they didn't know if I was a boy or a girl, they were going to have to deal with a broken arm. Fierce I tell you, fierce!  Samuel even said at one point "You know, this started out as fun but now it's getting really emotional." I concurred with them.

We even wrote a song!

I'm really excited to see if this duo goes anywhere.  We had such a brother/sister dynamic, I felt like we were the bastard, genderqueer version of Death From Above

Today, my throat is raw, my muscles ache, I'm exhausted, and, of course, I'm in absolute heaven because of it.  Like I said, it was like therapy only better.


Current Mood: content
Saturday, June 6th, 2009
11:01 am
Pronouns...oooh Pronouns *sighs whimsically*
So, I went to a BBQ  last night and had someone fuck up my pronoun (ie: He said...).  Honestly, this hasn't happened in sooooo long that I almost burst out laughing.  I obviously corrected her, and she apologized but still, instead of it setting off a 0-100 km/hour rage (like it did when I was first transitioning), it was more of a "really?" sentiment.  It retrospect, she probably did it because our initial intro was so gender-confusing.  It was really loud when we were introduced and so the conversation went like this:

Me: "Hi, I'm Kate" *waves
Her: "Sorry, did you say your name was Ken?"
Me: *laughs* "No, Kate"
Her: "Kevin?"
Me: *really loudly* "K A T E"
Her: "Ooooh Kate, ok hi my name is..."

So, my gender was probably never concretized in her mind, but honestly, I think my blase reaction to the pronoun fuck up has more to do with my acceptance of myself as an andro/butch woman.   Maybe it's internalized trans-misogyny rearing it's ugly head but I tknow that a fuck up hurts more when I'm in femmey attire because of the whole "man-in-a-dress" sentiment. It's like I know that people sometimes fuck up cis ando/butch folks pronouns sometimes too, so I chalk it up to that, rather than a transsexual thing you know?

Anyway, suffice it to say, I'm feeling quite gender-confident these days, and I hope ya'll are too :)


Sunday, April 26th, 2009
10:29 pm
Violence Schmilence *May be triggering, be forwarned*
I had a really shitty experience last night and feel the need to vent about it, yet I've put it off all day.  I've probably come back to this livejournal "post an entry" page like 10 times not knowing exactly what to say. Whatever, here it is:

Last night I was assaul...see, I can't even fully write it.  It just sounds too dramatic, but that's really the whole crux of my problem is that I always minimize the violence that's done to me.  I think I still have a lot of transphobia, and trans-misogyny more accurately, bottled up deep inside me that only comes out at moments like this and I end up hating myself for having all this internalized shit.  It's like my logical side tells me, I know that obviously it wasn't my fault, I didn't do anything to deserve it. But then my visceral, emotional side brings up all this grossness.

Okay, so here's what happened:
I was at a play party cruising this boi all night and it was only at the very end of the night that we finally had a chance to chat.  We were outside talking about my performance art/poetry and their*** music and I even suggested possibly performing at the next ATW/CLM party.  Then, out of nowhere, point blank they asked "So are you a boy or a girl?" Now, It's explicitly written in the contract that the attendees have to sign that this type of questioning is not acceptable. 

If it had happened at an event that I wasn't a part of organizing I would have probably just have given them a "Fuck Off" and walked away.  But as an organizer I felt a deeper sense of responsibility. So, I calmly told them that that wasn't an appropriate question and that if they were genuinely curious about my gender a more appropriate phrasing would be "How do you identify?" or "What pronouns should I use when referring to you?"

But then after that scolding I finally did tell them that I am a girl. And, here's where it's complicated because I think that they thought I was FTM  because they said "Oh, so you were born a girl but you want to be a boy?"  And, in retrospect, I should have stopped the conversation dead on there.  But, I'm really bad with deflecting or disarming questions.  So, instead of walking away at that point I said "No, I'm a person who was assigned male at birth but who's in fact female...etc etc"  And, here's where it gets really fucked, because after I said that they reached out, grabbed both of my breasts, and squeezed and groped my breasts while asking "So, are these real or fake then?"

Eugggghh.  And, I just felt like in that moment that my body was instantaneously transformed into public property.  And then all the internalized trans-misogyny started coming in because I kept trying to dismiss what happened as oh that person was just genuinely curious or oh worse things happen everyday to other trans and non-trans women or oh I'm MTF so my breasts don't count as intimate body parts because they didn't start growing till I was 23.

So, anyway, the other collective members banded together and kicked the person out of the party and were really supportive of me.  And, it's just enraging and shitty that a 2 minute encounter put me in such a bad headspace for almost a full day afterwards.  I'm probably oversensitive from lack of sleep too but you know it definitely still hurts and sucks.

Thanks for reading

P.S. I was rereading some of my old posts and noticed that I tend to write a lot about violence that I experience.  I guess LJ is a good outlet for me that way *shrug*

***I don't know how exactly this person identifies so I refer to them by they/them as a result

X-posted to Transgender

Current Mood: frustrated
Wednesday, February 4th, 2009
11:12 am
My life/style is weird sometimes
So I got into yet another conversation yesterday that began with me saying I'm vegan and like baking a lot and her responding "Oh I could never give up meat, it's a good source of protein, it's tasty, etc etc..."

After we parted ways it really made me think of the myriad conversations like that I've had in my life.  And, I guess, especially so in the last two years.  I think a lot of times I feel as though I can't just talk about something in my life without it turning into something inherently political.  I feel like I'm always on the defensive. 

For instance, in the example I just gave, I was in the mood to talk about baking, and how it makes me relax, calm, and so on, rather than the politics/reasons behind being vegan.  I think this comes up most often with being vegan, but it's also brought up when I talk about my transsexuality, being into BDSM, being polyamorous, and being tattooed.  

Don't get me wrong, I'm a pretty fiesty bitch so most of the time I enjoy the banter, it just gets exhausting sometimes.


Thursday, October 16th, 2008
12:39 pm
My thought patterns these days have been really introspective.  It's a combination of fall weather, being done university, turning 25 soon, being at a place of (relative) comfortableness w/ my new body, and having a lot more free time.  As a result I've been listening to a lot of the bands I mentioned yesterday and rereading my old HearattaCk zines.  One record in particular that has struck a c(h)ord with me recently is the Ebullition sXe compilation Some ideas are poisonous

It's basically a comp of bands that are straightedge but don't have necessarily a "straightedge" sound.  I like this concept because, like I mentioned, I felt wholely alien from the boston beatdown type of sXe of my youth.  So I've been thinking a lot recently about claiming straightedge.  I quit smoking cigarettes back in February, I decided I'm taking this month off from drinking (as of Oct 1st), and then just last Saturday I smoked pot with some friends and from the moment I got high I realized that I didn't really enjoy it anymore.

I've been thinking about my family's history of problematic substance use, my own history of drinking to blackout/passout points as a coping mechanism, I've thought about all my friends that are edge that don't preach it.  And I guess thats the crux of my hesitation: I fear that in claiming the label I will end up being one of those "preachers."  But, when I think about it logically and compare it to other aspects of my life where I don't preach I do think I'll be able to fully realize it as a personal decision.
I mean, shit, I've chosen a lot of things in my life, which are integral to my ethical value system, that other people would never do in theirs and I don't preach about it. By this I mean, I'm non-monogamous/polyamorous, I'm vegetarian, I'm working on full-length sleeve tattoos, and a whole other slew of things. 

Also, I think my most recent tattoo has really made me think a lot about my substance usage.  I joke about it, saying that it's my "fake-edge" tattoo, but honestly I think staring at it everyday over the last month and a half has had an effect. It's kinda like a reminder to myself to always watch out.  It's cheesy as all hell but it has incredible meaning too.  (For those who haven't seen it yet):
FakeedgeCollapse )

Anyway, I think it's fitting that I'm contemplating this change in my life right around the time of International Edge Day (October 17th)!  Haha.  Also, I'm thinking that with the money I'll save not buying booze/pot I'm gonna buy a bass and start a screamo two piece w/ another sXe-grrrl who's just learning drums.  We'll be the shittiest, most punk fucking band ever (haha)!

Oh well, by for now.


Wednesday, October 15th, 2008
3:03 pm
Reflections of a transpunk
    So a couple weeks ago was Pop Montreal.  The music was awesome.  Spent most of my time at the Weird Punk series.  Saw An Albatross, Chinese Stars, Japanther, DD/MM/YYYY, The Death Set, Shearing Pinx, T.V.Ghost, Lydia F'ing Lunch, and a whole slew of other bands.  Also, with the exception of the odd friends' show here and there, this was my coming out as  woman into a scene I used to love prior to transitioning. It's been a lil over  2 years since I sold off 75% of my records, stopped going to shows, stopped reading hXc message boards.  In other words, a lil over 2 years since I dropped out of the "scene". 

    It has remained a strong part of my consciousness though.  I mean its because of punk/hc that I can attribute my introduction to feminism, my introduction to queer politics, my vegetarianism, and my intro to race and racism. I constantly find myself looking back on the kid I was at 14-18.  I remember going to 2-3 shows a week.  They meant something to me at the time but looking back I remember feeling like they were extensions of highschool in some ways;  microcosms of a racist, sexist, homophobic larger culture.  I remember the time I went to Hellfest.  Shit that was over 6 years ago now!  I remember that out of the 100+ bands that played that weekend I was most impressed by The Blood Brothers because they seemed truly different than 99% of the chugga chugga mosh bands. 

   I think what I'm getting at is that what spoke to me at that time in my life was not Hatebreed, Right Brigade, A Death for Every Sin, No Warning, Ten Yard Fight and all those other tough, sXe bands.  Yes I went to their shows. Yes I bought their records.  But looking back I remember feeling peer pressured into liking them.  I remember talking with the older kids who were in Miles Between Us, etc and constantly feeling like I was being judged.  I was knee deep in a scene that felt wholely alien to me. Alien because of its homophobia.  Because of its racism. It's sexism.  I remember feeling like I couldn't bring these issues up because it wasn't cool to be "PC." It was more cool to be ironic and funny and tell everyone who wasn't moshing that they were "pussies and cunts"  I remember always feeling queer.  I came out as bisexual when I was 15. But I never knew how to express my queerness in that context.  The first time I kissed a queer boy in public was at a punk show.  But expressing my queerness felt especially awkward when I lived as guy who primarily dated women.

   I remember having only a handful of other people that I felt comfortable talking to about the bands that really meant something to me.  Bands like Shotmaker, Saetia, Born Against, Bikini Kill, Yaphett Kotto, Los Crudos/xLimpWristx, & Fugazi..  I remember always thinking that something was missing from the "scene" as I knew it.  I went to hundreds of shows between the ages of 13 & 19 in Ottawa but the ones that stuck out most in my mind were the ones that featured "unusual" bands for Ottawa: Tastes Like Burning, Love Lost But Not Forgotten, Funeral Diner, Takaru, Buried Inside.

   What sparked this reminiscing was the fact that at the Pop Montreal shows  I couldn't help feeling like people were staring at me in that "you fucking queer" type of way.  People I knew "from before" but haven't sat down with and had a convo about my transness.  Not that I want to or need to but you know it still makes me feel like I'm a fucking outcast!  It's hard when I'm trying to enjoy the band thats playing and there's some douchebag with his arms crossed in front of him staring at me the whole time!  I don't feel like mentioning names but he's notorious in both the Ottawa & Montreal scenes (I'm sure some of you folks know who I'm talking about). Anyway, suffice it to say I clung to other women/queer folk the entire time.  Here's where I can mention names: thank you Grant, Val, Katja, Veronique, Cody, Simon, Jordan, C, Tave, and other folks who made me feel like it was okay to be queer/trans and remain a part of the "scene."

   I guess this is what giving up your privilege feels like.  I went from a pretty damn privileged position (white, straight-identified bisexual, male) in society to a highly stigmatized one (still white, queer-identified lesbian transsexual woman).  Like I mentioned just now though it wasn't all bad  I did have some really nice moments.  I re-introduced myself/came out to an old friend of mine and had a really nice convo about it.  We both used to abuse substances quite a bit together when I first moved to Montreal.  He told me about how after we stopped hanging out he got really fucked up on coke. I told him how I got really fucked up on booze.  We bonded over the fact that we are on different paths in life now.  It was great!

   Anyway, enough rambling for now.  Point of this post is that I've been listening to a whole lot of ebullition style hc/screamo records these days and being nostalgic for a place and time I never really experienced. 

Anyone want to start a shotmaker cover band? Anyone? Anyone?

Tuesday, October 14th, 2008
11:52 pm
So I voted tonight.
And I feel so conflicted
It's like if someone looks at my id and then looks at me, and doesn't flinch, I begin to doubt my ability to pass.
However, if they look at my id and then look at me, and flinch hard and question and press on, etc than I get the all the trouble that comes along with that.

Damned if you do damned if you don't.

Hope you are all well on this (slightly) depressing night.


Current Mood: weird
Monday, October 13th, 2008
2:52 am
I am trans therefore my body is not mine
Wow.  Way to have a night completely ruined!  So, yesterday. I was in a weird mood. Woke up that way, after coffee/breakfast realized it wasn't going away, dealt with it in positive ways (went to a friends place for a BBQ). 

Today. Woke up in a much better mood.  Relaxed all day. Listened to really quiet music all day. Baked (twice!). Made porridge. Wrote letters/e-mails to friends.  Went to a potluck at a dear friend's house.

(Insert beginning of body snatching here)

Spoke to a cis-gay man that I hadn't seen in at least 6 months (most likely more).  Upon first glance was delighted to see him. Context.  This man has consistently asked me intrusive questions about my body/HRT/surgical status/etc but, like I said, it had been more than 6 months since we had seen each other, and he's a friend of a friend and has a warm personality, so I actually forgot about all the rude questioning. Finally, we're in the kitchen. Alone. I ask him "So, how've you been? What have you been up to in life? And so on..." His response "I'm good, focusing on school...so you're developing well" as he makes breast-growing motions with his hands on his chest.  Insert questions ad naseum about my physical transition. During the course of this inquisition I mention (3 fucking times!!) that I graduated from school.  Finally, when he has completely stolen my body to his satisfaction he asks "So, how's school going?" It becomes obvious to me that he has not listened to a fucking word I've said in regards to life outside of my corporeal existence.  All he wants to talk to me about is how long I have to take hormones for? How well my breasts are developing.  The whole time I want to scream "YOUR ANSWERS ARE ON WIKIPEDIA NOT IN MY BODY!!!!" I want to scream "STOP IT...THIS IS SEXUAL HARRASMENT!"  This occurred roughly at 8:00. I wasn't intending on leaving the party until at least 10:00. I was gone by 8:30. Only after keeping my head down and feeling awkward and small.


Does he do this to every woman he knows? He's a gay man why the fuck does he care so much about breasts and female puberty?  Does he realize that his comments/questions remind me of the 23 years of shame, self-destructive behavior, & substance abuse I endured to live this life now?  Does he really think it's innocent, casual conversation? My body is not fucking casual conversation, does he know I've been beat up for existing in this body? Where is my body now? How can a 5 minute interaction ruin what was an amazing day?  Did he even notice that I couldn't look him in the eye for the rest of my time there? Did he notice that I personally said goodbye to every single person there (even the woman who's name I don't know) but him? How can I rid myself of this shame?


I hurt and I feel shame and I don't know how to get my pride back!
Maybe I'll take a bath

Current Mood: frustrated
Saturday, September 27th, 2008
12:23 pm
Pop Montreal Craziness!
So, for the past 5 years, everytime Pop Montreal rolls into town I end up having to work.  As such, I end up only going to 1 or 2 shows.  This year, I booked my vacation for this week and so I plan on going to LOTS & LOTS & LOTS of shows!

Here's my schedule...what's your like?

9:00 - Winter Gloves
10:00 - Beast
11:00 - You Say Party! We Say Die!
@ La Tulipe (Mont-Royal & Papineau)

12:00 - Quatro
1:00 - Dark Meat
@ Club Lambi (Mont-Royal & St. Laurent)

Read the rest of my crazy schedule here....Collapse )

So, again...anyone want to join me at any of those shows? Reply here if interested!


x-posted to my facebook!

Current Mood: ecstatic
Monday, September 1st, 2008
3:33 am
Writer's Block: The Expendable Sense(s)
If you had to give up one of your five senses, which could you live without?
This is a seriously effed up question!  It starts from the assumption that there are no people who are blind, deaf, vision impared, hard of hearing, speech disabled, and so on, that use livejournal. I'd like to see the person who manages livejournal post this question in the LJ community DEAF and see the responses they get. This is simply offensive!

Current Mood: angry
Thursday, July 17th, 2008
1:10 am
Top ten records & movies of this decade so far.
Okay folks, we only have a year and a half left of the naughties :P  so I figured why not get a head start at post my top 10 favorite films & records of this decade so far....please feel free to share yours as well in the comments (I love comparing and contrasting):

Records (in no particular order):

1)  Sleater Kinney - One Beat
2) The Gossip - Standing in the Way of Control
3) The Arcade Fire - Funeral
4) Tom Waits - Brawlers, Bawlers, & Bastards
5) Fugazi - The Argument
6) Against Me! - Reinventing Axle Rose
7) Godspeed you! black emperor - Yanqui U.X.O.
8) Do Make Say Think - and yet and yet
9) Propagandhi - Todays Empires, Tomorrow's Ashes
10) The Hidden Cameras - (a tie between) The Smell of Our Own & Mississauga Goddam

Honorable Mentions: Nirvana - With the Lights out, Sonic Youth - Goo, Dirty, and  Daydream Nation (reissues with 2 extra LPs each of b-sides/demos/rarities)***
***Because ithey are not a records, but rather a box sets, I figured I'd not include them on my list, regardless they are simply phenomenal pieces of art***

Movies (in no particular order...except #1):

1) (a tie between) House of a Thousand Corpses & The Devils Rejects
2) La Fabulous Destin D'Amelie Poulin
3) C.R.A.Z.Y.
4) Pan's Labrynth
5) The Machinist
6) I Heart Huckabees
7) Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
8) Memento
9) Sin City
10) Waking Life

Admittedly there are soooooooooooo many more that I want to put on these lists but after much thought I decided these were the finalists.

What are yours?

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
12:11 pm
New Bands Discovered this year :)
So continuing with the theme of wow, 2008 is more than half over here's another list of new bands (that rock!) that I've discovered this year so far:

Grand Ole Party (sounds like the gossip crossed with white stripes)
$100 (ex members of Jon-Rae & the River!)
New Bloods (queer black no-wave influenced punk...need I say more?)
Blood on the Wall (reminiscent of a musical time when pavement, eric's trip, and sebadoh reigned supreme)
Deloro (cross between country and indie...similar to the Constatines)
Quest for Fire (see above)
Boris (okay, not new but new for me...the mind-melting noise of Merzbow crossed with the droniness of SUNN>>>O)
Jens Lekman (just download the song "You put your arms around me" you'll see...do it!)

yay, so there you go!

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008
3:07 pm
New Year's Resolutions Check In
These were my resolutions from this year that I posted half a year ago:

Be more vegan-friendly to my body
Eat as little processed food as possible (ie: less veggie ground round)
Talk about gender less in my everyday conversations
Create more films/performance art stuff
Get more tattoos (work on my sleeves specifically)
Graduate from school
Change my name legally
Get more laser hair removal
Put out a 'zine or two
Apply for grants so I can be an artisty-bum!
Be more organized (ie: buy myself a slingshot and USE it!)

So far this is what I've accomplished:

Eat as little processed food as possible (ie: less veggie ground round)
Talk about gender less in my everyday conversations
Get more tattoos (work on my sleeves specifically)
Graduate from school
Get more laser hair removal
Travel (L.A., Toronto)
Put out a 'zine or two

Ladies, gentlemen, and friends so far I have accomplished more than 50% of my list!  A friend (you know who you are) once told me that if you write a list and end up accomplishing a third or more of it you should be proud of yourself.  Couple that with the fact that this was one of the first winters in like 10+ years where I didn't go into a deep depression and, well,  so far this is definitely one of the best years yet.

Hope everyone is doing well :)


Current Mood: accomplished
Thursday, June 12th, 2008
9:53 am
This ones for you Ms. Pinder (aka Pride!!!!)!!!!!
Um...so holy fuck. I seriously may have to reconsider all the Montreal vs. Toronto arguments I've had in the past 5 years because I've just spent the last half hour perusing the pages of the torontopride website! All I can say is wow!  While Divers/Cite pays mere lip service to the trans community , Pride Toronto seems to have understood the true politics of inclusion.  I say this because there is a stage specifically for transfolk, there is a women and trans only space in the beer gardens after the dyke march (which fully supports trans people!). This is amazing...just check out this list of performers (not necessarily all of them trans but nonetheless amazing!):

Julia Serano
Ivan E. Coyote
Hidden Cameras
Lyndell Montgomery
Ember Swift
Uh Huh Her
TRANS-FUCKING-X (aka the one hit wonder Vivre Sur Video/Living on Video)
MEL C (a spice girl??)
Kids on T.V.
MEN (aka Le Tigre minus Kathleen Hannah)
Ari Up (from the Slits)

And those are just the performers, not to mention the community day, the plays, dance parties, etc etc etc!!!!!
I am so freaking out right now!


Current Mood: excited
Thursday, May 15th, 2008
4:17 pm
I have a crush...
...and so I made her a mixtape.  We both grew up listening to the screamier side of punk/hc and so I thought I'd dig through some of my old records.  A lot of these records I honestly haven't listened to in 2-5 years so it was quite the memory lane roadtrip! With no further ado I present:

The This is not a mixtape mixtape:

What do ya'll think?  Is mix-taping cliche at this point or still worth the time? Discuss! :P


Current Mood: chipper
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